Today let’s talk about something different for the benefit of the girl child. Ever wondered why you keep searching for Mr Right but have failed? Well, they are out there but finding them depends on your traits; stop searching because they are searching for you, just be yourself. This Easter, I spent time working with good men, and trust me, I learned a lot from them. Their confessions, I thought, should be put to writing for learning and critique.
#1: Good men shy away from over-dependence.
Good men give a lot; they don’t mind all the time and won’t follow through to get compliments or paybacks. I know a lot of men won’t understand this, the joy that comes with giving. Only men who have the nature of giving can understand this. They give not because they are an ATM, they give not because they want to be offered sex or anything in return, and they just give crazy! Good men carry the mindset of responsibility even before marriage, they love giving, because they want to build up the woman generation. What makes them leave someone is the overzealous dependence on them. One man said “I need to give when she is okay and not rushy, the moment her life depends on my giving, then am out.” So you meet this guy who takes you on 2 dates and pays up for all the expenses then you assume he should now pay your rent, and your other personal expenses. When the guy decides to leave you for someone who appreciates his efforts, he now turns to be a bad man.
Lesson: Ladies please learn to make a little money of your own. His ability to provide doesn’t mean you should depend on him for your every need.
#2: Truth- Be true to yourselves and to the people around you.
What makes a woman attractive is not her physique, but upkeep and character traits. Good men are easily attracted by truth and honesty in their partners; if it all started with a lie, then it will never be right. A bitter truth will be easily resolved other than a sweet lie. Good men value honesty a lot and this makes or breaks the bond, your ego needs to be watched so that it won’t kill your relationship.
#3: Grow Up!
Casting a vote does not make you an adult, the decisions you make do. Apparently our society is full of lost boys and girls hanging out at the edge of adulthood, people are scared of thinking of themselves as adults. Relationships are seen to be boring without the partying aspect, so most of our youth end up spending so much on partying and alcohol to sustain the glitter in their relationships other than maturing and investing for the good of their future. A good woman understands the essence of saving and investing while still young and will always come up with ideas of how this can be achieved to better the relationship now and in the future. Immature women on the other hand won’t mind spending all their men’s money on expensive stuff just to keep up with the fashion trends of celebrities and their peers, making it hard for a good man to stay with them.
#4: Communicate clearly
Communication is the backbone of every relationship. Good men value ladies that express themselves maturely and are presentable even to the public. Have you ever wondered why some men don’t attend corporate meetings with their wives/girlfriends? Now you know why. You wouldn’t expect a highly respected fellow to tag along a lady that doesn’t know to what extent she is supposed to carry “saloon women talks” to a meeting where he expects to meet prospective business partners and investors.
Some ladies’ best defense is shouting at their partners even in public, especially insulting them for something they have done wrong. There’s nothing as bad as hurting a man’s ego, be it a good or bad man. That will only repel him away from you the more. On the other hand, some women prefer to keep quiet about issues that they foresee are not going to end up well until the damage is done then they would say, “I thought this would have happened, though I didn’t tell you.” This is one way that shows a man how non-supportive the lady in question can be.
Women, learn the art of good communication by heart. This will go a long way in building healthy relationships.
So the next time you want a good man, work on your traits. Leave the rest to the boy child, now you know!
© Sabwa John Milton, 2018